As I sit here typing this, I find myself (once again) amazed at how quickly time flies. It seems just like yesterday that I was 21 and giving birth to my son. Now....I'm living the last hour of my 20's... 30 barreling straight for me...and my "baby" starting the 3rd grade in a few short hours.
Thinking back on the last 10 years of my life, I can definitely say that I have been blessed. My life has not been perfect, but I have countless things to give thanks for....of which living to see 30 is a BIG one. Where many would go out and have a huge party...I'm much more content with a smaller celebration with those I hold near and dear to my heart. I had dinner and a couple of drinks with 2 of my closest friends last night, lunch with my best friend tomorrow, and dinner with my son and husband tomorrow night. What more could a girl ask for on her "Dirty 30?"
I've adopted the philosophy "30 is the new 20" and plan on holding to that....not in the sense that I will be as wild and crazy as I was at 20, but that I will not let 30 make me feel old....because 30 is not old. Funny how once you reach 30, you don't see it as old, but as a kid....you were old and on your way to becoming a relic.
Seeing what a wonderful son I have raised thus far is also a blessing. Never would have thought that I had it in me and every day I smile and thank God for my "not-so-little-anymore" blessing. He has his moments, as all children do, but I wouldn't trade one bad moment for anything in the world. Hard to even remember what life was like before him....Maybe that's my age setting in (LOL)! Still hard to believe that I'll be dropping him off for his first day of 3rd grade. My "baby" is growing up WAY too fast! It's moments like these that I have to appreciate every moment I have with him. Won't be long and he'll be in middle school, high school, college, and with a family of his own. Better stop getting all sentimental....Everyone knows what a big baby I am!
So on that note....I leave this as my last post in my 20's and prepare to have an even better 30's!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Reflections on a Meltdown
So...family drama is nothing new in my life, but lately it has escalated to ridiculous proportions. Life inside my home is happy and I am very blessed for that and thank God everyday for the many blessing He has bestowed upon me. It is outside the home where the family drama exists. I love my parents, honestly I do, and the rest of my family too, and would bend over backwards for them, but the drama they bring to my life is DRAINING! Just last Friday, I learned of more issues, which I will not hash out again here, and it has disrupted my whole life...AGAIN! In short, we lost my sister-in-law this past December. It was sudden and devastated our whole family, but my brother is taking it very hard, so hard in fact, that my niece and nephew are suffering to the point of neglect. I lose sleep over it, cry over it, vent over it....nothing of which will make it better, but it makes me feel better for a moment. I have to get it out of my system or I'm scared it will bottle up, fester, and become something much more damaging. I guess this hits a nerve with me because my little brother (not the same brother) and I experienced a period of neglect when I was about that age. Mine was not from the loss of a parent and another parent grieving, but it was still painful and this situation dredges up old memories that add to the emotion.
Needless to say...I am part of a ladies discussion group at my church on Wednesday nights. We were discussing wisdom and courage and something inside made me start talking. Looking back on it now, I believe it was God helping me share it with those who would understand and offer prayers and support. God's timing is always perfect, but at that moment, it felt like a landslide. I couldn't stop talking and felt like there was no flow to what I was saying...words just flying out of my mouth....no flow or structure. Then the tears came. I consider myself to be a very emotional person anyways, but I always try not to cry in front of people. I felt like such a baby. I know the family situation I have is an emotional one, but I normally don't share such personal things with a lot of people. Many of these ladies I barely know (being fairly new to the church). Looking back on my emotional meltdown, I know that God was helping me see that I am not alone and that there are people who can help, even if it's just to offer a kind ear.
I'm still not sure where to go from here, but I know that I do not have to go alone.
Needless to say...I am part of a ladies discussion group at my church on Wednesday nights. We were discussing wisdom and courage and something inside made me start talking. Looking back on it now, I believe it was God helping me share it with those who would understand and offer prayers and support. God's timing is always perfect, but at that moment, it felt like a landslide. I couldn't stop talking and felt like there was no flow to what I was saying...words just flying out of my mouth....no flow or structure. Then the tears came. I consider myself to be a very emotional person anyways, but I always try not to cry in front of people. I felt like such a baby. I know the family situation I have is an emotional one, but I normally don't share such personal things with a lot of people. Many of these ladies I barely know (being fairly new to the church). Looking back on my emotional meltdown, I know that God was helping me see that I am not alone and that there are people who can help, even if it's just to offer a kind ear.
I'm still not sure where to go from here, but I know that I do not have to go alone.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Getting Back to Blogging!
As you can see from my last blog (almost 2 years ago), I have fallen off the blogging wagon. Many things have been taking place in my life over the past few months, and I've been inspired to blog again about the many blessings God has bestowed upon me. So....let this be the introduction to my future blogs about life and God's blessings.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
A Moment of Thanks
I haven't been posting on here for a good bit now because of all the chaos that is taking up my time, but I felt the need to take a moment and be thankful for some of the blessings in my life....
- My lab results did not show any abnormalities
- Though my husband's car broke down and it is costing a small fortune to fix, we are just coming into some money, so we can pay for it.
- My son is healthy and able to run around, speak, see, and hear.
- My son is well behaved, loving, smart, and polite.
- My husband is a good, loving father.
- I have a family that loves me.
- I have wonderful friends who honestly care and are there when I need to be consoled, or just to vent.
- I am alive and walking, talking, seeing, and listening.
- We have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and clothes on our backs.
- My husband and I have jobs.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Epiphany
This week is the busiest week in my area, as the Masters Golf Tournament is in town. I manage some properties behind the course and some of them rent out for this week, so I cater to them and make sure they have fresh towels, paper products, empty trash...etc.
On my way by the course today, I saw the usual crowds of people moving about to get wherever they were going for more Masters Tournament excitement, and 2 people caught my attention. A young man was standing in the middle of this mob with a sign that said "Trust Jesus" and in front of him was a young lady in a "Trust Jesus" t-shirt attempting to pass out something. Now, because I was in the car, I was unable to approach them, but I was able to observe the behaviors of those passing by. People would actually speed up as they approached the young couple and during the whole 5 minutes or so that I sat in traffic, I saw not one person take the paper she was trying to hand out. They avoided this couple as if they were the plague. I could see the dedication this couple had to what they were trying to do, but they looked hurt and cast away.
Seeing the behaviors of these "Christians" really brought stinging tears to my eyes and a shot of pain hit my heart. How can someone proclaim to be a christian and then behave that way in front of the unashamed Christians who are trying to promote awareness of God's word? As I drove by them, I said a prayer for them and for all those that bypassed them. I think what really got to me was the fact that Easter is tomorrow and I'm not referring to baskets with candy, eggs, and Peter Cottontail. I'm referring to the true meaning of Easter...Jesus's crucifixion and resurrection for all of us and our sins, including all those avoiding that couple today.
I know that I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. There have been many times in my life where I have not behaved as a true Christian should. I just felt so stongly about what I witnessed today, that I had to write it out. Next time you see someone standing on a corner or in front of a store with a flyer, don't be ashamed to speak to them and take that flyer. If you say you are a Christian, then be a proud one!
On my way by the course today, I saw the usual crowds of people moving about to get wherever they were going for more Masters Tournament excitement, and 2 people caught my attention. A young man was standing in the middle of this mob with a sign that said "Trust Jesus" and in front of him was a young lady in a "Trust Jesus" t-shirt attempting to pass out something. Now, because I was in the car, I was unable to approach them, but I was able to observe the behaviors of those passing by. People would actually speed up as they approached the young couple and during the whole 5 minutes or so that I sat in traffic, I saw not one person take the paper she was trying to hand out. They avoided this couple as if they were the plague. I could see the dedication this couple had to what they were trying to do, but they looked hurt and cast away.
Seeing the behaviors of these "Christians" really brought stinging tears to my eyes and a shot of pain hit my heart. How can someone proclaim to be a christian and then behave that way in front of the unashamed Christians who are trying to promote awareness of God's word? As I drove by them, I said a prayer for them and for all those that bypassed them. I think what really got to me was the fact that Easter is tomorrow and I'm not referring to baskets with candy, eggs, and Peter Cottontail. I'm referring to the true meaning of Easter...Jesus's crucifixion and resurrection for all of us and our sins, including all those avoiding that couple today.
I know that I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. There have been many times in my life where I have not behaved as a true Christian should. I just felt so stongly about what I witnessed today, that I had to write it out. Next time you see someone standing on a corner or in front of a store with a flyer, don't be ashamed to speak to them and take that flyer. If you say you are a Christian, then be a proud one!
Friday, April 3, 2009
In the Beginning....
Well...here I go! I know that a lot of people blog on a variety of topics, and I've read a few, but I've never taken the time to actually do one myself. When do I have time to do anything? I work, go to school, run a household and care for my family. Always seemed like time was slower when I was younger. Now I blink and years have passed, or so it seems! Time...it just passes so quickly... there's just not enough of it!
I guess I have to truly thank Dana for her inspiring blog. She's the whole reason I even signed on here in the first place. She has tons of inserts on her beautiful family and the speacial moments of their lives. She has inspired me to so something similar, or at least get back into writing.
When I was in high school, I started writing a book, titled "For Those Who Smile" and thought it would be a fitting name for this blog. The title came from my smile and the reasons behind it. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I smile..a lot, but for a while, that smile was a permanent mask. Many would never guess the chaotic childhood I had because of that smile. That smile was so big, who could smile that big if life wasn't wonderful? (Guess I missed my calling into the acting world, huh?) I thought the title would be a tribute to those who smile on the outside while things are dark and painful on the inside.
My childhood was not horrible from day one. Born in 1981, I had a pretty regular childhood until my parents divorce in 1990. That marked the time in my life that things would change, and quickly. Again time, as I mentioned before, is an interesting thing. Over a 2 year period, which seems to pass me in the blink of an eye now, my life changed forever. Funny how after almost 20 years, you never quite shake it 100%.
I won't go into details, but I spent the next few years trying to figure out who I really was, not who I was told to be, and come to grips with the past and my inability to change it. Hard for a kid to do, but I did it. I remember being upset with God and having my faith falter. I could not understand how he would let bad things happen.
After the birth of my son in 2003, is when I think I really found myself and my way back to God. All of my past memories helped me be the person I am today and I am stronger for it. I have my own beliefs and have had my faith restored in God. I made a promise to myself and God that my child (or children if I have any more) would never feel the way I felt as a kid and never have to wear a smile that wasn't real.
OK...I guess that will do for my intro to blogging. Sometimes you just need to pound it out on the computer and get it all out. I feel better already!
I guess I have to truly thank Dana for her inspiring blog. She's the whole reason I even signed on here in the first place. She has tons of inserts on her beautiful family and the speacial moments of their lives. She has inspired me to so something similar, or at least get back into writing.
When I was in high school, I started writing a book, titled "For Those Who Smile" and thought it would be a fitting name for this blog. The title came from my smile and the reasons behind it. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I smile..a lot, but for a while, that smile was a permanent mask. Many would never guess the chaotic childhood I had because of that smile. That smile was so big, who could smile that big if life wasn't wonderful? (Guess I missed my calling into the acting world, huh?) I thought the title would be a tribute to those who smile on the outside while things are dark and painful on the inside.
My childhood was not horrible from day one. Born in 1981, I had a pretty regular childhood until my parents divorce in 1990. That marked the time in my life that things would change, and quickly. Again time, as I mentioned before, is an interesting thing. Over a 2 year period, which seems to pass me in the blink of an eye now, my life changed forever. Funny how after almost 20 years, you never quite shake it 100%.
I won't go into details, but I spent the next few years trying to figure out who I really was, not who I was told to be, and come to grips with the past and my inability to change it. Hard for a kid to do, but I did it. I remember being upset with God and having my faith falter. I could not understand how he would let bad things happen.
After the birth of my son in 2003, is when I think I really found myself and my way back to God. All of my past memories helped me be the person I am today and I am stronger for it. I have my own beliefs and have had my faith restored in God. I made a promise to myself and God that my child (or children if I have any more) would never feel the way I felt as a kid and never have to wear a smile that wasn't real.
OK...I guess that will do for my intro to blogging. Sometimes you just need to pound it out on the computer and get it all out. I feel better already!
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