Reflections on a Meltdown

So...family drama is nothing new in my life, but lately it has escalated to ridiculous proportions.  Life inside my home is happy and I am very blessed for that and thank God everyday for the many blessing He has bestowed upon me.  It is outside the home where the family drama exists.  I love my parents, honestly I do, and the rest of my family too, and would bend over backwards for them, but the drama they bring to my life is DRAINING!  Just last Friday, I learned of more issues, which I will not hash out again here, and it has disrupted my whole life...AGAIN!  In short, we lost my sister-in-law this past December. It was sudden and devastated our whole family, but my brother is taking it very hard, so hard in fact, that my niece and nephew are suffering to the point of neglect. I lose sleep over it, cry over it, vent over it....nothing of which will make it better, but it makes me feel better for a moment. I have to get it out of my system or I'm scared it will bottle up, fester, and become something much more damaging.  I guess this hits a nerve with me because my little brother (not the same brother) and I experienced a period of neglect when I was about that age.  Mine was not from the loss of a parent and another parent grieving, but it was still painful and this situation dredges up old memories that add to the emotion.

Needless to say...I am part of a ladies discussion group at my church on Wednesday nights.  We were discussing wisdom and courage and something inside made me start talking. Looking back on it now, I believe it was God helping me share it with those who would understand and offer prayers and support.  God's timing is always perfect, but at that moment, it felt like a landslide.  I couldn't stop talking and felt like there was no flow to what I was saying...words just flying out of my mouth....no flow or structure.  Then the tears came. I consider myself to be a very emotional person anyways, but I always try not to cry in front of people.  I felt like such a baby.  I know the family situation I have is an emotional one, but I normally don't share such personal things with a lot of people.  Many of these ladies I barely know (being fairly new to the church).  Looking back on my emotional meltdown, I know that God was helping me see that I am not alone and that there are people who can help, even if it's just to offer a kind ear. 

I'm still not sure where to go from here, but I know that I do not have to go alone.